When kids are more resilient than we give them credit for!

 Resilience is a show stopper, it's a deal breaker, it's a life changer.  Resilience - NOT "mental strength" is the piece to the puzzle - the LAST piece to the puzzle - the determines success - IMO!

What is mental strength?  The most elusive buzz word on the market.  Have mental strength.  Need mental strength.  Train for mental strength.  What does that mean?  How do you "strengthen" your "mind"?  What tools allow you "mental strength", or is "mental strength" the tool??  We can go round and round and round - BUT, all "mental strength" actually means is - does one have RESILIENCE?  What is resilience?  Resilience is the ability to persevere through adversity, over and over and over again.  Resilience is taking constructive criticism, using it to improve, over and over and over again.  Resilience is being able to self-assess, understand one's worth from the inside, and no matter what the "world" (one's world around them) tries to tell them - they STILL go out and work their hardest, ignoring the "nay-sayers"!!  Lots of italics here - lots of "quote" marks here!!  That's because these words are word salads.  They can mean So many different things and they can mean different things amongst two people talking about the same outcome.  They are elusive.  RESILIENCE is not elusive!!  Resilience is what it is.......the ability to keep working hard, to keep a "stiff upper lip", the ability to ignore the noise and STILL persevere.  How does one work on their resilience?  THAT is the question at large.  

How does one "keep their confidence", since THAT is a word everyone can agree, is the difference between performing successfully or not......how often do we hear athletes and parents of those athletes say "if only they had the confidence", "if only the coach would give them more confidence", "they need to find their confidence", "confidence is everything" - and it's not a wrong statement.  It's HOW one gets confidence that makes the difference. Confidence comes from within.  Confidence does not come from others - that's a false confidence, because when things go astray, confidence is then easily lost!  Confidence MUST come from inside onself!  And then resilience rides together with self-confidence.

Sooooooooo, the real "buzzword" is RESILIENCE, and that is the tool to work on.

When coaches fail kids

 I think of this question, often.  "What happens when coaches fail kids, and how do they fail them?"

I am sure this question has come up for decades - for at least as long as sports teams have existed!

I have my opinions - and I will share them here (because I can, since it's my blog 🤪)  but think about those questions for your own children - what would that look, for your kids?  How would a coach fail your kids??

For me, as a sport coach and as a mental conditioning coach, there are many levels of potential failure.  There's the simple X's and O's.  Do they know the game?  Do they feel the game? The next question - can they TEACH the game - that's where the gift of teaching comes in.  Next - can they lead the team?  Do they develop leaders?  Do they care enough to try?  Lastly - how do they treat the individuals?   Do they rule with a heavy hand?  Do they have the capacity for empathy?  Do they have obvious favorites?  If not, is everyone treated exactly the same?  (is this good or bad? 🤷🏻‍♀️). If So, what "makes" a kid a "favorite"?  Is there respect, and is there mutual respect?  What are the standards?  And, of those standards, does the bar of standards vary depending upon which child it's attached to?  

Goodness, there are different levels, and let's face it, there are many more questions that could be inserted in this discussion.  I feel like I've touched on ones I'm always thinking about, but if I spoke to a group of parents, no doubt they would have many more great questions, depending upon what's important to them!

So, BIG question, what happens when coaches fail kids?